comeback

I have forgotten my password, thank god I wrote it in my diary. I'll be active blogging again kali... So, in one shattering, spiraling moment, my life, my entire existence has been bent into a question mark. I think its fate. It’s like water seeking its own level: my life just wants to be a mess. Nadilla says the best laid plans are seldom the ones we’re meant to follow. Oh, well, here’s hoping. Because if life is really a journey, I’ve had one hell of a maiden voyage. And what does my M.A want, really? A lover, a friend? Someone who can keep up with his crazy quest for questions and answers and TRUTH?
I struggle, as I have all along, as the human race has for millennia, to contemplate, to comprehend, to express this love. The quality, the quantity, certain that no two people have experienced such a thing before, in the history of creation. Perhaps Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, but they are only characters, shadows and dust and ashes and make believe. We have known each other forever, since before conception, before thought. I have found a man whose hopes and dreams match mine. I don't want to lose him, but I can't pretend this isn't happening. Being without him is slowly destroying me. It's not the time. It's me...without him. Do you want forever? Do you remember? There are things I haven't told you. You know that on some level, I think you must. I worry you enough, and you have enough to worry about. If, when you're here, when you're safe, you want to know...then...maybe then. I know you make promises you can't keep - promises I would never let you keep. And it's important to me, because I care about you. I will not give you up. I'll still have you.
As independent and fiesty as you have known me to be, I still sleep best in your arms. You, you who are my shield, my soldier and savior, my sword against the darkness. Sometimes I want to know you're strong, to hear that arrogant macho-man somewhere inside you talking - saying that he's going to take care of me, protect me, never let anything happen to come betwen us. I know my M.A will probably be paning ne mun ya membaca. astee.